Marriage is hard work. It requires two people to come together and be one. Ya that sounds simple but for most it is not. We are all raised with a set of values. If any of those values are tainted with selfishness then we have some work on our hands. Selfishness is the #1 killer of marriages in my book. When we get into a commited relationship then a marriage we must die to ourselves.
This means different things to different genders. I am going to speak in generalities but try to apply them to your specific relationship. For men we are not typically inclined to be romantic except when we are settled in the marriage. We are not in the mood to meet our wives emotional needs, especially after she has not been nice to us. This is what I will call "God time". God loves us anyway. He loves us despite our faults. We are called to romance our wives and meet their emotional needs whether they are being good to us or treating us crappy. Yes it is really difficult when we have been neglected or treated crappy but Jesus calls us to go beyond our earthly nature. Our earthly nature is to withdraw and/or punish. Jesus calls us to continue to serve our wives.
For women, after years of marriage, sex is not something many particularly need as much any longer. This is probably not the case for their husbands. Life happens and kids come along and people get very very tired. This requires "God time" from the wife. They need to go beyond their earthly nature and seek to meet their husbands physical needs. Maybe their emotional needs are not being met but Jesus calls us (both wives and husbands) to serve and not to be served.
When either spouse neglects their duty to the relationship then the decay will begin and the foxes will enter the garden.
When both spouses/partners rise above their own earthly selfishness and commit to putting the other first - for the sake of the relationship - then the relationship will be as close to a heaven on earth as you will ever see.
{{originally blogged in July 2005}}
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