Spoiling a child or creating a giver

When I was much younger I was of the opinion that you shouldn't give too much to your kids because you will create a brat and an adult that is selfish, self-centered and impossible to please.

Through the years my opinion has changed.

I have cousins who didn't get much as children. Ironically they were very giving children. They always gave away whatever they did have. But as adults they without a doubt totally self-centered. They only live for what makes them happy, damn their kids. Most of them have multiple children out of wedlock and seem totally focused on serving themselves and filling a void in their own lives that was not filled as children.

I have other cousins who we viewed as spoiled rotten children. Their parents gave them tons of presents at Christmas. Every birthday party was a major event. Their parents never missed any of their activities. The kids never went without an abundance of love and attention and gifts. They are entering adulthood and I have observed that they are some of the least self-centered people I know. They are very giving young adults, especially to their parents and grandparents.

It appears that when we are kids and our parents give to us freely and abundantly, it causes two things to happen. First of all it teaches us to give. Kids with giving parents tend to be more charitable and less focused on getting stuff when they become adults. Secondly, Kids with self-centered parents tend to be self-centered when they reach adulthood. They seem to use people throughout their adult lives in a vain attempt to fill a void. They feel entitled to only be served since they were cheated at kids.

Personally in my own life, my parents gave us everything we needed; we never went without. I went through a long self-centered phase in my teens and 20s. But since finding and building a relationship with Christ I have moved away from that to what I feel is my true self, I feel a desire to serve and give to others which is how my parents were with my sister and I.

No matter how much we received or did not recieve from our parents we all have some level of a void to fill, that can only be filled by Jesus Christ. A willingness to follow his teachings and to live for HIS glory will heal any wounds.